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Post by Conor Moore on Apr 10, 2007 12:39:45 GMT 7
________________ Conor hugger her back and looked down at her with a very faint smile. His smile was gone by the time her lips meshed with his in a tiny little kiss. He guessed that it was a sisterly brotherly sort of thing, because who could possibly like him in any other way? He looked at her with puppy dog eyes as she kissed his cheek and said that he made her feel better, “Good that’s what I was going for.” he said with a small smile and a kiss on her forehead. They were very kissy, eh? He guesses it was just because he wanted his lips all over her body; he wanted to be close to her. These little brotherly, or motherly kisses were making him depressed because he was pretty sure that she didn’t like him like that at all and the only way she saw him was a s a good friend, or even a brother.
Conor looked down at her as she spoke and furrowed his brow. He then laughed slightly and shook his head, “No! I don’t hate you at all and I don’t think you’re a slut… shit happens.” He said with a shrug. “It’s not like I’ve never slept with a random people who I’ve never even spoken to.” He said with a shrug. He usually was only drunk when he slept with people, but he had had sex once when he was not high or drunk and it was the worse experience ever. Because it had been with a girl he really liked and she had only used him to make her boyfriend jealous. He liked the sex, but it had been horrible after he found out the reason she’d slept with him.
Conor looked at Evelyn with a small smile and kissed her cheek, “You’re too cute… to think I’d hate you?” he looked shocked and then shook his head with a small smile on his face. He squeezed her closer to him and rested his head on her head. He looked out at the park and then looked back at her blonde hair. He smelled her shampoo and it smelled like flowers or maybe something appley, he wasn’t sure but it smelled good. He then picked his head up and looked down at her and her skinny little body. “You’re an awesome girl… you know that? Even with your flaws… which if you ask me they’re really hard to see.” He said with a smile and his index finger tap the tip of her nose with a small smile on his face.
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Post by Evelyn Pierce on Apr 10, 2007 13:00:03 GMT 7
A grin appeared on her face as she kissed him again letting it last a bit longer then the last one before she pulled her lips away from his but kept her head close. She gazed in to his dark brown eyes as she couldn't help but smile. "..I'm glad you don't hate me. You're way to sweet and /way/ to cute for you to hate me. I don't know what I'd do.." she said as she smiled at him and kissed his lips again gently. She liked all the little kisses but it seemed as if he was avoiding her lips on purpose. She was having second guesses on if he liked her in that certain way but she hoped so. She really did. "Would you like me to point out my flaws?" she said with a laugh. "..people think I'm looking. I scrunch my nose a lot. I smoke and drink too much.." she said and stopped but she knew she could keep going. So what if she may be the only one who saw these things? "You're quite awesome yourself Mister Conor." she said jokingly as she smiled at him. She was glad that she wasn't the only one that hadn't slept with people she didn't even know. She never got to feel anything pleasurable out of the sex because she was piss ass drunk to even remember any of it. She'd awake in a strange place and grab her things and run far far away. She sat there next to him as she leaned her head against his shoulder as she kissed his cheek gently and smiled. "..I think kissing you is becoming contagious." she said and giggled softly. "It's not a bad thing though.." she said as she moved her face closer to his as she let her lips linger in front of his almost pleading to him 'kiss me kiss me'.
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Post by Conor Moore on Apr 11, 2007 10:28:13 GMT 7
______________ Conor looked at the girl with slightly pouty lips and big eyes as she kissed him longer the next time she did. He looked at her slightly confused as she spoke. He hides his confusion and smiled faintly, “I swear I’d never hate you.” He said with a nod. That wasn’t true, he’d hate her if she was teasing him with all these kisses. He didn’t want to get hurt and he didn’t want a girl he liked to be using him for comfort or something. He bit his lower lip after her second kiss on his lip. He then smiled as she asked if he wanted her to point out his flaws or what. He shook his head after she had, “No… you’re beautiful and I drink and smoke way too much too, so what’s it matter?” he asked with a small laugh. He then looked at her seriously and shook his head, scrunching up his nose slightly, “I am no amazing. Not at all.” He said shrugging slightly. He really didn’t think he was amazing at all, how could anyone. He drank and drugged and smoked like a fucking chimney.
Conor looked down at her as her head fell on his shoulder again. He smiled faintly, he was highly confused by her, did she like him or was she teasing him. “Yea? It’s not a bad thing?” he asked furrowing his brow. “Haha… that’s funny.” His laughing came to a halt as she got close to his lips and looked at him with a kiss me kiss me look. He bit his lower lip and then into her blue green eyes, “Um…” he spoke softly and stopped. His lips felt like they were drawn to hers and his eyes closed as they meshed with hers in a sweet little kiss. His hand moved to the nap of her neck and he continued to kiss her for a second or so, then pulled away and looked away. He bit his lip and sighed lightly, he looked over at her with a cautious look still biting on his lower lip.
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Post by Evelyn Pierce on Apr 11, 2007 10:47:55 GMT 7
She watched as he bit on his lip and she was second guessing everything she'd done. She glanced over at him as she saw him look a bit nervous and confused. She slowly pushed herself away from him a bit and then put her hands over her face. "God I'm sorry." she said and shook her head. "I didn't mean to-" she said not able to finish her sentence as she looked over at him. She hoped he wouldn't take it the wrong way. "-I'm sorry I'm coming on so strong I didn't realize that.." she said and shook her head once more. She was confusing herself now more then anything. She just wanted to scream out to the world 'I LIKE YOU CONOR' but it didn't seem as easy as she'd like. She then glanced over at him and found herself scooting back closer to him once more. "...I-I d-do.." she began to say as she bit on her lower lip nervously. "I do like you." she finally managed to say but it was so low she didn't think he could hear. Her cheeks flushed a light pink color as her blue green eyes glanced over in to his dark brown eyes. She was hoping to see some spark of something in his eyes but she saw nothing. She looked down at her shoes seeing her two black ballet flats on her small feet as she kept her small hands on the wooden edges of the bench as she looked down at her feet as if they were the most fascinating thing she'd ever saw. She couldn't believe she just told him she liked him. He wasn't supposed to know. All these thoughts were running through her head as she bit down hard on her lip which was turning a white color from her biting on it so much. 'What if he doesn't like me' was all she could think about. She didn't know if she could take him hating her or even disliking her. She was already torn up into pieces about what she had just said to him - she hated making herself vulnerable. She had just given him her heart to tear to pieces of to treasure forever.
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Post by Conor Moore on Apr 11, 2007 12:52:22 GMT 7
_________________ Conor watched Evelyn move away from him, oh no his kissing her caused her to get away from him. Was he a bad kisser, did she just not like HIM. He bit his lower lip hard and sighed lightly, looking down at his feet. He bit his lip as he heard her speak, he was scared she was gonna say, ‘I hate you and don’t talk to me anymore’. He wouldn’t be surprised at all. He sniffed lightly and then looked over at her as she stuttered out that she was sorry if she had come on too strong, he shook his head, “No!” he then stopped and bit his lip harder and she whispered that she liked him. He looked at her with a furrowed brow and nodded slowly, “I like you too, you’re a really good friend.” He said thinking she was saying it like that. He then bit his lip and looked at her carefully as she looked at her shoes, “Do you mean… like, like me like… that?” he asked looking at her carefully. He bit his lip even harder, if that was possible. He was pretty sure that his teeth were cutting into his lip.
Conor looked at her and pulled her hand into his, he leaned over and kissed her forehead lightly, “I like you… in more ways then one… but honestly, we’re both pretty emotionally fucked, and I’m really afraid of getting hurt.” He paused and looked at her sadly. “Am I like thinking way ahead or something?” he asked squinting slightly. He felt like he was planning that they’d have this big long relationship and she would end up hurting him really bad in the end, but the thing was that they weren’t talking about getting together or anything really, and they were pretty much just talking about liking each other, not like making it a serious relationship or anything. He was so over thinking this. He bit his lip and shrugged, “Sorry, I’m stupid and I’m thinking way ahead…” he shook his head and sighed heavily.
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Post by Evelyn Pierce on Apr 11, 2007 13:10:43 GMT 7
All these emotions were running through her head as she thought about the two of them together. She couldn't even think of what she was going to say because her head was spinning so quickly. She looked over at him as he said that he liked her in more then one way. Her light blue eyes looked deep in to hi as she couldn't help but let a faint smile appear on her face before biting on to her lip once more. "I-I mean more then a friend.." she whispered as she squeezed his hand gently as she looked down at her shoes. Her cheeks were still a light pink color as she looked up at him and stared in to his eyes. She listened carefully to what he had to say and she agreed - they both were emotionally fucked and both were scared of getting hurt. "..no you're not stupid." she whispered as she moved closer to him again. "I j-just am so s-scared." she whispered as she leaned her head on his shoulder again. "I want to try things with you - I really do." she added in as she looked up at him. "I'm so scared of getting hurt again though." she whispered as she looked up in to his eyes. She couldn't see him hurting her but then again she never knew really. She didn't know what she wanted with him but she knew she wanted more then friends and not just a fling. She wanted something real with him - something meaningful. She looked up to him and pressed her lips against his gently before leaning against his shoulder once more. "I'm thinking ahead now.." she said and shook her head a bit as she rested it back on his shoulder. "I don't want to rush into something." she whispered as she leaned against him.
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Post by Conor Moore on Apr 13, 2007 7:47:34 GMT 7
_________________ Conor bit his lower lip as she looked at him and began to speak, the more she spoke the more afraid he became. She liked him back and he hadn’t really thought that she would, he didn’t know what he would do now that she liked him back because he had always stopped himself from thinking about it because he thought that she never would. Conor knew that if they got together a bunch of shit would happen and someone would hurt the other. He didn’t want to hurt Evelyn at all and he really didn’t want to get hurt, but the thing he was most afraid of was that if they started dating and one of them hurt the other; they wouldn’t be friends anymore. They’d hate each other and just not want to be near each other ever again. And he didn’t want that to happen. He was pretty sure that he’d move on with the pain of breaking up, but if he couldn’t see her at all, he’d probably get even more depressed. He’d probably be even more scarred then he already was. He felt completely confused as he listened to Evelyn speak lightly in his ear. His mind was going a million miles and his brain was starting to feel melted.
Conor looked at her carefully as she spoke to him still; he didn’t say a word because he wasn’t sure what to say. Conor watched her with wide eyes as she moved closer to him and told him that she was so scared. He nodded in agreement and didn’t say a word. His lips seemed to be sown shut or something. He looked down at her as she leaned her head on his shoulder and said that she wanted to try things out with him, but she was scared of getting hurt again. He nodded again, his head moving in slightly jerky movements, “Yea.” Was all that he could say at that moment, and quite frankly he was surprised that even that had come out of his mouth. Conor closed his eyes as her lips met with his and then her head rested on his shoulder again. He kept his eyes closed as he sighed softly. He opened them and looked at Evelyn, “I don’t think I’m ready… to have a girlfriend… but I want to be with you…” He bit his lip, it sounded stupid and slightly harsh as it came out of his mouth, “I like you… but I seriously don’t want to fuck what we have going… up.” He said shrugging slightly. “but on another hand I don’t think that after what we’ve just shared… that I can just… be your friend.” He said looking at her with slightly wide eyes. He then looked away from her, his eyes falling on the darkened sky, his lips being chewed by his slightly crooked, tobacco stained teeth. He sighed heavily and spoke to the sky, “I don’t know.” His voice was small and he wasn’t even sure if Evelyn had heard that. This had been the time to open up, and tell her everything that he felt, but he had stopped when he was just getting started, because he didn't want to share his past, because he was scared, even though she had laid it all out on the table. He had failed to open up. Just like he failed at everything else.
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Post by Evelyn Pierce on Apr 13, 2007 8:13:47 GMT 7
She jerked her head away from his shoulder as she listened to him. She felt as if she was almost imposing on him. She figured he really didn't like her but he was just trying to be polite. She shook her head. "L-Look you don't have to act like you like me." she managed to say feeling rather stupid that she'd poured out her heart to him and he'd torn it in to pieces. She shook her head once more her thoughts rushing in as she continued to believe she was so stupid. She glanced to her side looking for her purse as she grabbed a cigarette and a lighter that barely had any fluid left. She lit it up as she held it to her lips and took a hit. She glanced over at him. "..I mean we-we can still be friends even though you know you don't like me like that?" she asked him hoping that he wasn't just her friend to get in her pants like many of the other boys that only befriended her for that. She was just another pretty face to them and she couldn't believe that Conor thought of her the same way. She tried to to look over at him but she found it hard. Tears were stinging her eyes as she looked over at him once more. "..do-do you really think of me like that?" she asked him hoping that everything she thought of him wasn't true. "..I mean please tell me I'm wrong?" she asked hoping for once in her life that she wasn't right. She felt a few tears run down her cheeks as she brushed them away with her finger. She didn't want to make a fool in front of him - no not now. "..I mean I can understand why you wouldn't want me as your girlfriend and I wasn't trying to say that..." she said as her voice trembled. "..I just was you know telling you how I felt.." she said as she wiped away her tears. "..I can understand why you wouldn't want me to be y-your girl-" she said unable to finish the rest as she wiped her tears. She hated that she was making a fool of herself in front of him but it was hard to handle her emotions because god did the girl have problems. "..I j-just thought." she whispered and then shook her head once more as she put her cigarette to her lips and took another hit. She was needing lots of alcohol and cigarettes tonight and she'd probably get drunk and sleep with some guy to try and drown out the thoughts of Conor. She couldn't handle her feelings being crushed again but she also couldn't believe he'd do this ot her. No, it just wasn't like him.
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Post by Conor Moore on Apr 13, 2007 9:18:12 GMT 7
________________
Conor looked at her with wide eyes as she jerked her head off of his shoulder, he suddenly felt cold and very mean. He looked at her with a saddest of a little boy as she said "L-Look you don't have to act like you like me." He shook his head quickly, but she interrupted him before he could say anything, she spoke and he looked at her with wide eyes, “No! I mean… I do like you, I wasn’t pretending. I’m not like that Evelyn.” He then stopped as she spoke again, her voice failing and the cigarette going in her mouth as tears ran down her cheeks, her finger wiping them away before they could roll all the way to her chin. “I think of you as a really good friend whom I care about so much that I wouldn’t want to hurt, but I’m fucking that up aren’t I?” he asked leaning back in the bench. His eyes fell to his hands, which were twisting and turning in each other. His eyes began to water. He didn’t want to cry in front of her, he didn’t want to cry period, but it was hard when he was fucking everything up as much as he was.
Conor looked over at Evelyn as she said she understood why he didn’t want her to be his girlfriend, but he wasn’t so sure she did. “Do you?” he asked sounding slightly angry, “I don’t want you to be my girlfriend because I KNOW I’ll fuck it up.” He said sounding desperate and his voice cracked a bit. He stood quickly in his seat as he felt his blood heat up and start to boil. He looked at the ground as he stood in front of the bench, facing the park, swaying in anger. He bit his lip and sighed heavily, trying to calm himself, “I’m sorry.” He said looking back at her, he ignored her trying to speak and then her stopping abruptly. He turned around to face her and looked down at her, his shoulders slouching, “I like you and that’s real, but I’m already fucking us up, and I don’t want to fuck us up anymore… do you get that?” He asked trying to be calm, but sounding desperate.
sorry, it sucks. :[
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Post by Evelyn Pierce on Apr 13, 2007 9:43:57 GMT 7
She looked up at him as she tried to believe the words coming out of his mouth. He hadn't done anything to her to make her not believe him. She looked up at him as she began to wipe the tears that had rolled down her cheeks as she took another hit from her cigarette before throwing it to the ground and stomping it out with the heel of her shoe. She looked up at him once more as she looked down at her shoes trying to think everything over. "Y-You're not fucking it up.." she whispered feeling tiny as he got angry and his voice grew harsh. She glanced up at him as she tried to speak but everything that she was going to say sounded immature and rather foolish. "..I-I was a-assuming and I didn't let you explain.." she whispered and shook her head. She had a thing for doing that quite a lot. Letting her brain race with thoughts that were totally untrue. "I-I really care about you too and I-I l-like you but you-you don't give yourself a cha-chance to fuck up anything. You're too afraid to love." she whispered knowing that she was feeling the same way. "I-I fee-feel the same way but I-I w-want to know how it feels-" she said as her voice began to crack again. She then began to look down at her shoes as she wiped a few more tears from her eyes. "-to love." she finally managed to say. She looked up at him once more as she tried to look at his eyes but it seemed too hard. She felt like that scrawny little girl who managed to fuck up everything. It was like the world didn't want her to find love because every time she managed to find a boy that she liked there was always something holding them back from even thinking about dating. She looked up at him and shook her head a bit. "I mean how will you ever love anyone if you don't give them a chance?" she asked as she sat on the bench feeling rather alone and little as she glanced back up at him. "I-I'm not saying you should date me but I know how you feel-" she said and shook her head. "..you have to let people know though. You can't just hold it all in.." she whispered before letting a soft sigh escape her lips and wiping the remainder of her tears. "I-I get what you're saying but don't blame it on yourself.." she said and shook her head. "I-It's not your fault." she knew if she just would have kept her mouth shut and just not told him how she felt they wouldn't be in this mess. She just wanted him to sit down again and lean against him and kiss him but now she'd fucked it all up just like she'd fucked everything else in her life up. She let out a soft sigh as she shook her head and looked up at him and managed to get out an 'I'm sorry' as she glanced down at her shoes trying to make her gaze go anywhere but to him - she couldn't see him looking so angry, it scared her.
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Post by Conor Moore on Apr 13, 2007 10:43:34 GMT 7
___________________ Conor listened to her words, but honestly they didn’t help. He was – he had fucked it up. He bit his lip hard as she spoke about love. He thought about it, and found that it wasn’t that he was scared of love… he just didn’t know HOW to love. He bit his lip as his chin quivered. “Whatever…” he spoke softly and he’d hardly even said that word. He felt like he was so angry and that he was pushing her away for no real reason. He just felt suddenly depressed and sad and angry that he didn’t really know what love was, because he never really got told or taught what love was. His mother didn’t really show it and his father sure as hell didn’t. But he cared deeply for his family, he didn’t even put two and two together to get that his CARING had actually been love. He was too deep in this loss for love that he just didn’t see it.
Conor sighed lightly and looked back at her, then looked away as he saw tears running down her cheeks, he felt bad, “I’m sorry Evelyn… I’m just… I’m not…” he stopped and sighed, annoyed that he didn’t know how to express himself, unless he was singing or something. He really could only express how he felt if he had written it down and gone over it for a while. He bit his lip and sighed heavily. “I’m sorry. I just can’t explain how I feel… I’m fucked up and that’s that.” He sighed again and looked over to her and then sat on the end of the bench. He looked over at her and then covered his face with his hands. He bit his lip as he stayed like that for a bit. He didn’t want to talk, all he wanted to do was get drunk, or drugged up. He didn’t want to be sober right now. He leaned over and grabbed a beer out of his package that he’d bought earlier. He popped the lid and gulp down a can in less then two minutes. He then popped another and looked over at her, “You want one?” he asked offering the alcoholic some beer. He was being an asshole and he really shouldn’t be. He should be telling her that he liked her and that he just didn’t know how to start showing his feelings. But instead he was drinking a beer, trying to get drunk so that he didn’t have to deal with his emotions.
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Post by Evelyn Pierce on Apr 13, 2007 11:04:07 GMT 7
She listened to what he said and just shook her head. She didn't know why he was acting like he didn't care for her even as a friend. She looked up at him and shook her head a bit disappointed. "No Conor." she said and shook her head. "-Whats fucked up is that you don't even give yourself a chance. Or me for that matter." she said and shook her head as she stood up and grabbed her purse. "I thought you were someone else but I guess I was wrong.." she said and shook her head. "I thought I really liked you but it seems that you just don't care.." she whispered and shook her head as she looked away from her. Her tears were clouding her vision as she got up and stumbled a bit as she looked over at him. "No, no I don't want want one. Call me when the Conor I know comes back." she said and shook her head as she walked away from him. She began walking down the sidewalk as tears began streaming down her face. She didn't understand why he was acting this way now. He was acting like he didn't care about her at all. He was becoming an asshole - the kind of people she tried to avoid but they only used her to get her in bed. She was a bit confused why he had suddenly done this. She knew that they both had problems trying to love each other but it seems as if he wasn't even willing to try or even be her friend any longer. She sat down on a bench that was a little ways from Conor as she looked over to him as she saw him cracking open another beer and drinking it. It was pathetic the way he'd reacted. For once she wished she'd just kept her mouth shut and not say a word about any of it but of course she had to go fuck up things as usual. "I'm such a fuck up." she whispered to herself as she took her head in her hands and let out a soft sigh as her tears ran down her cheeks. She was so confused everything seemed to be a blur - just like her childhood. She wished for once she could just be in love with someone that was in love with her but obviously the girl had a sick and twisted definition of love because nothing seemed to be working for her. She just wanted to run far far away and just sulk and stay there. She felt as if she didn't belong here - or anywhere for that matter. She pulled her knees up to her chest as she set her head on her knees and she glanced around the park. It was getting really dark and cold and she just felt like going home but she wanted to talk to Conor even though that seemed almost impossible. She thought back to her childhood knowing that neither of her parents loved her or loved each other for that matter. She began to question if she ever knew love in the first place. Now that she thought about it she didn't really know what love was except for what she had seen in the movies and with her friends.
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