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Post by Christian Patrick Elliot on May 1, 2007 8:59:54 GMT 7
Christian didn't know what to say in response. Maybe he hadn't really loved Rachel at all. Maybe that was why she left - perhaps she didn't think he loved her enough. But in all honesty, what could he have done any different? Christian had been a hopeless romantic, constantly leaving flowers and candies in her dorm and car, writing little notes and hiding them in her notebooks, surprising her with gifts, and even taking her on a spring break vacation to Niagara Falls. What more could he have done? He adored the woman, but maybe it hadn't really been love after all.
Her last words, however, rang loud and clear. "I'm so sorry, Evie," he murmured, looking over at her with a frown and sincerely apologetic eyes. "I didn't mean to hurt you," he added in a quieter tone, feeling more ashamed than before. Christian was sitting around complaining about the woman who had left him, when in fact, he seemed to have done the same thing with Evelyn.
When she started giving advice, Christian merely sighed and touched his head to the leather sofa again. How could he take another chance? He didn't think it was worth the risk. He wasn't hating his single life; he enjoyed it, actually. Of course, he would sometimes lay in bed at night and wish there was another body beside him, but the thought was brief. Reality kicked in only minutes later and Christian could roll over and fall into another night of dreamless sleep. It hurt to think about, but once the thought evaporated, he got along just fine.
"I kind of wish maybe we had gave it a chance..." Christian turned to face her when she said that and was met with her own eyes looking at him. His lips parted as if he was going to speak, but nothing came out. With another sigh, he broke her gaze and looked down at the coffee table. Fear was beginning to seep into the corner of his thoughts and feelings, but what if she was right? Then again, what if she was wrong. What if it did end horribly and everything they had attempted to piece together so carefully managed to collapse anyway? Was it worth the risk?
"It scares me, Evelyn." That was all he managed to get out before he pressed his lips together and looked over at her again. "It scares me," he repeated quietly, a look of remorse on his face. In a way, he wanted to wrap his arms around her again and pull her lips to his... to just forget about the night and the horrible memories of Rachel and enjoy a single evening. But there was a barrier - something was there blocking him from taking any action. Old instinct wasn't what it used to be.
"Would you even want to risk losing..." he lifted his hands in attempt to come up with a word, "whatever we had or have... for a second time?" He shook his head at her, lips parted and closing once more - a sign of confusion.
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Post by Evelyn Pierce on May 1, 2007 9:58:46 GMT 7
Evelyn had never felt love before so she was unsure of how things were going through her head. She began to think about what would have happened if they stuck together and really she didn't know if it would have been better or worse - it's not she would have ever known either. That's something she always regretted - not trying things. She'd always be able to guess oh what if I did this or what if I did that and she'd always get caught up in her little fantasies when maybe it wouldn't have been better at all. It could in fact be a lot worse - everything could have turned out horrible for the both of them even though she just didn't want to think about it liek that. He had hurt her and there was no denying that. She wasn't just going to shrug it off because now he knew how it felt to be the one who left. "It's not that big of a deal now.." she whispered because really it wasn't. She'd gotten all of her crying out but deep down inside she knew it still hurt. "It still hurts though.." she said and id a simple shrug as if that would take her mind off of it but of course it wasn't that easy. Her thoughts when back to whether it would have been the right decision for the two of them to keep seeing each other and maybe even - dating? It was hard to imagine them dating but she figured things would eventually lead to that if they kept going the way they had been. They had grown close and were already best friends. You couldn't get much closer then the two of them. "It scares me too but sometimes you've just got to risk things to be happy." she said with a slight nod. It was hard giving this advice when she hadn't seem to even follow her own advice. "...I mean if you don't want to give up things to be happy then whats the point in being happy? It won't be special anymore." she said with a small nod as if she knew what she was really talking about. She brushed her finger against his hand as she looked over in to his eyes and then glanced away once more.
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Post by Christian Patrick Elliot on May 2, 2007 10:15:17 GMT 7
Christian let out a small puff of breath, almost a sigh but not quite. "I know," he said regretfully, not looking over at her. His eyes, rather, stayed on the mahogany coffee table. It embarrassed him to think about how Evelyn must have felt; Christian never really sat down and thought about it in full. He always pushed it to the back of his mind and intended to do the serious thinking later. Emotions came first, then the logic could come. Unfortunately, that hadn't worked out too well in this particular scenario.
Dark, chocolate eyes turned to watch Evelyn when she spoke so confidently. Christian wanted more than anything to ask her how in the world she was so sure... so positive. But when she was done talking, he didn't speak right away. Her finger brushing against his hand made his own eyes flicker from her pupils to her hand. With the most soft of sighs, Christian nodded slowly and squeezed her hand. "I just don't think I'm ready for it right now," he said quietly, a disappointed stretch touching his lips.
How did something so minute manage to turn into such a catastrophe? How did walking into the bar for a drink turn into an emotional rollercoaster in his living room? Christian felt this horrible ache in his heart; he felt like he owed Evelyn something for what he put her through. She seemed in desperate need of comfort, but he didn't know how to offer it. The last thing he wanted was for her to get the wrong impression. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders and keeping her in a hug would have been appropriate earlier, but not now. How could he?
"What's really going on at school?" The question was pounced without much warning. Christian felt a strong urge to move the conversation in another direction, and this particular question fell from his lips before he put much thought into it. "You were lying earlier, weren't you?" Same old Christian. His voice was quiet, his hand slowly withdrawing itself from the grasp of her fingers and reaching out to take his water bottle off the coffee table. The same, solemn expression remained on his face, making it clear he wanted to talk about something else.
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Post by Evelyn Pierce on May 2, 2007 10:33:28 GMT 7
School had popped in to the conversation once more - it was so not what she wanted to talk about but she knew once Christian changed the conversation he honestly didn't want to talk about it anymore and there was no changing his mind. "..yeah, I was lying." she admitted and shrugged. "School is well nothing. I've stopped going." she said as she looked over at him. She knew this was going to be hard for him to take in because he was so set on making good grades and doing the right thing like Evelyn had at one time but now everything seemed to have changed, even her beliefs.
She knew she needed to sit down and just make a list of what she wanted to achieve and how she was going to get at it. She figured she needed to move out of her apartment with Teddy, get a job, stop drinking as much and just become her old self once more but it didn't seem to be so easy at all. Not the way things had been going at least. She looked down at her hands as she moved them on to her lap as she leaned back against his sofa. "..school has been my last priority lately." she admitted and looked over at him. "I just don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore, honestly." She said and was a bit ashamed because she used to be 'bulletproof' as she liked to think. If she made good grades, was nice to everyone she'd be bulletproof and nothing could touch her. Yeah, too bad that idea was literally shot down.
"..it's kind of pathetic on my part I know." she admitted as she tugged on her dress and looked over at him once more. She was getting extremely tired but she was going to keep herself up. She had to talk to him because she wasn't sure how often this chance would roll around. She brushed a hand through her blonde locks of hair as she looked over at him tiredly and couldn't help but to start studying his face as she jerked her head away and grabbed her water bottle to take another sip.
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Post by Christian Patrick Elliot on May 2, 2007 10:48:38 GMT 7
A puzzled expression quickly began to fill in the corners of Christian's expression. "What?" he asked, not sure if he heard her answer correctly. She stopped going? If he really heard those words come out of her mouth, Christian knew she was taking a turn for the worse. He didn't understand how someone like Evelyn, the girl who strived to reach above and beyond in her academic career, could just give up on something she was so good at. From what he knew, she had enjoyed school and her teachers constantly praised her. It was definitely a shock to hear she wasn't going anymore.
"Would you shoot me for asking what your first priority is?" he asked, flickering his eyes across her own, back and forth in some attempt to get a better grasp on what was going through her mind. He couldn't wrap his thoughts around it. However, based on what he saw tonight at the bar, he had a gut feeling what her response would be.
His fingers wrapped around the cap of his water bottle, twisting and untwisting it as his eyes studied the hardwood at his feet. "You really need to quit putting yourself down," he said, lifting his eyes to meet hers. His expression was serious, but not overbearing. He couldn't bring himself to give her any strong look, especially not after abandoning her.
Pulling himself off the couch with a slight groan, Christian set his water bottle back down on the short table and offered Evelyn his hand. "Come on, I have something you can change into," he said. "You look exhausted. If you don't want to talk about it, you don't have to," he added with a slight hesitation. Christian found himself truly wanting to talk to her and find out what was going on in her life, but he didn't want to push any limitations. She still had some alcohol in her system and probably wasn't feeling up to chatting the night away.
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Post by Evelyn Pierce on May 2, 2007 11:06:42 GMT 7
She knew that he was going to jump on her case as soon as those words had left her lips. "..yeah I knew you were going to react that way." she said and let out a soft sigh. She was too tired to really care though she knew he was going to be a bit angry with her but she didn't care at all. She was so tired it was as if she could barely keep her eyes open. "Well, I don't think I have an priorities. I know you're going to think drinking and being a slut but that's not my priority it's just something that's kind of been happening. It's not something I like. I can't control myself once I intake liquor. It's like someone else gets in my body." she said and looked over at him and gave a soft frown. "I'm so little it doesn't take much to get me tipsy and once I am it's like Evelyn's gone and the monster has possessed my body." she said and shook her head a bit as she leaned against the couch tiredly.
"I'm not putting myself down I'm just being realistic." she said as she looked over at him. "I'm tired of acting like I'm hot shit because I'm smart and pretty. It's not realistic and I'm a quiter. I don't try. I give up because I can't ever fucking carry out one thing.." she said as she looked over at him. "Relationships, jobs, school..I fail at everything.." she whispered getting herself all worked up again for nothing as she took in a deep breathe and felt her eyes begin to tear up as she wiped a few tears. She hated that she was coming to this but she just couldn't help it - she had to get it out.
She slowly got up without taking his hand as she smiled up at him. "Thanks, and I'm sorry I overreact." she said as she wiped a few more stray tears as she stumbled a bit as she stood there. She was still a mess though she might not be drunk she still had the alcohol in her system and well she wasn't exactly the most graceful person anyways. "..I am exhausted and this dress is so uncomfortable." she said with a nod as she looked down at her heels that were hurting her feet like hell but they'd been a bit numb until she stood up again.
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Post by Christian Patrick Elliot on May 3, 2007 4:43:48 GMT 7
Christian's lips were parted to speak again, but when she said she knew that was how he was going to react, he quietly shut them and didn't speak a word. The poor girl's eyelids were fluttering mercilessly. She was exhausted, he could tell. His brows furrowed when she called herself a slut. "Then don't drink it, Evie," he said in distress. "You can't be addicted to it. Three months ago you were perfectly fine," he argued, even though she had yet to respond. "I don't want to see a beautiful young woman waste herself away because of a few drinks." His dark eyes watched her in honest concern the whole time he spoke.
"So what are you going to do?" It might as well have been a rhetorical question and Christian was well aware of that. What would anyone do once they dug themselves that deep in a hole? A few tears ran down the blonde's face and Christian barely resisted the urge to reach out his hand and wipe them away. "Come on, Evelyn, is it really that awful?" Based on what he had seen tonight, the answer was probably yes. This wasn't the girl he knew. It was like she was buried beneath some other person.
He withdrew his hand, almost sadly. It left an emotional burn when the young woman wouldn't take his hand. Rather than bring it up, though, he simply shrugged and offered her a return smile. "You're fine." The urge to reach out and comfort her was overwhelming. When he saw a few more tears cross her cheeks, Christian sighed to himself and took a step closer, pulling the girl into a tight hug. "It's all going to work out. I will do what I can to help you, ok? I'm sorry for being a jerk." The last words were painful to get out; Christian rarely had to apologize for anything.
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Post by Evelyn Pierce on May 3, 2007 9:32:53 GMT 7
She nodded as she bit against her lower lip and let her head lean against his shoulder. "I'm sorry it's my fault, but thanks." she whispered as she wrapped her arms around him and let her head rest against his chest feeling as if it was all too familiar and it was. She pulled away from him as she looked up at him and bit down on her lower lip. "I-I'm sorry..." She whispered as she looked up at him. "..I-I can't do this." she said as she clasped her hands to her forehead. "...it's just too familiar and seeing you and how we used to do it's just hard.." she whispered as she looked up at him and shook her head once more.
She couldn't think of anything to say or do. She felt so pathetic that she couldn't even hug him as a friend without having those feelings or even thinking of it. It was so hard just to be around him while those thoughts kept popping in to her head and it hurt to see him. It hurt to remember what he had done. It hurt to know that she'd become this horrible monster that even he couldn't bare to look at. "..and yes it really is that bad. I drink so much I can't remember and I just black out. I don't know what happens to me but I come back sore and bruised and I don't know whats going on with my life. It's like someone else is living it and I'm just a viewer." she whispered as she winced as her head began to hurt.
All of this thinking was making it worse. She just wanted to go to sleep so she wouldn't have to think of anything at all. She felt that she needed to talk to him and really explain things but there was also things that she just needed to get off her chest and just tell him her honest opinion. She wanted things to be like old times when she got to just talk to him about anything in the world and they'd just lay there and chat it up as if they both had all the time in the world.
She looked up at him and down the hallway as she saw his bedroom down the hall and she knew that he'd been spending his nights alone probably dreaming of that girl he'd talked about earlier. She knew that she felt the same way about him almost. If they decided to come back they'd take them back and act as if it had never happened. It was funny what desperate people would do just for love.
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Post by Christian Patrick Elliot on May 3, 2007 19:24:13 GMT 7
The familiarity of Evelyn's small body against his own was hard to describe. Her warmth was welcoming, and for a moment Christian did nothing but stroke the back of her head, running his hand down her hair a few times. He really did miss her, despite what he tried to convince himself before. When she pulled away and seemed uncertain of the situation, Christian felt a tug on his heart. Nevertheless, he simply nodded and said, "It's ok."
"Are you living on campus?" he asked, leading her towards his bedroom. He couldn't imagine she could get away with that and still manage to stay in the dormitories. Rutherford wasn't really the strictest school when it came to drinking and partying, but they didn't tend to skip over extremes.
Walking into the bedroom, Christian opened up his walk-in closet and thumbed through the hangers. Most of his clothing was proper... dress clothes he wore at work and on the nights he went to listen to music at the Wreck Room. Near the back end hung the casual clothes. Pulling out a blue t-shirt and running pants, Christian closed the closet door and walked back to Evelyn. "You'll probably have the roll the pants up, but they might work. They have a drawstring, too, since they will definitely be too big on you." OOC: Sorry, kind of crappy. =(
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Post by Evelyn Pierce on May 4, 2007 4:34:36 GMT 7
He was truly comforting her but it seemed as if she just couldn't bare to even touch him but the truth was she just missed him so much and to be so close to him was almost a bit too much. She knew if she got close to him again she would begin to fall for him all over again and the cycle would just repeat all over again. As he lead her down the hallway she followed. "Oh, I've moved out of my old dorm and I live with my friend Teddy in an apartment complex in Huntley." she said with a small nod though she hadn't actually stayed there in quite a long time she still lived there.
As they walked in to his room it was all too familiar. She sat down on his bed as he went looking for things in his closet. She glanced around and it hadn't changed one bit. Everything was all too familiar and it was almost too much to bare. As he brought back clothes for her she nodded and thanked him and quickly pulled off her dress and pulled on the sweat pants and tied them tight and rolled them up so they'd fit her tiny body.
She also pulled on the shirt over her white bra as she looked over at him and ruffled a hand through her blonde locks of hair before sitting down on his bed tired as she looked up at him and gave him a soft smile. "Thanks for that." she whispered as she looked up at him with a tiresome look on her face as she took in a deep breathe and leaned back against his bed tiredly.
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Post by Christian Patrick Elliot on May 4, 2007 7:51:02 GMT 7
Christian averted his eyes when she began to change. He hadn't expected her to simply strip down right there, but then again, when did Christian ever expect anything out of the ordinary? His eyes wandered to the window that stretched over the city below. It was a gorgeous complex and Christian had been lucky enough to snatch up a great apartment overlooking the busy streets of New York City. It was close to work and in a relatively central location. His mind, though, was on everything else but the convenience of his home.
"Sure," he said with a smile. Christian stood in the center of the room for a moment, letting the silence sink over them like a mist. Despite all of her reserves, Evelyn was beautiful as she leaned against the bed, her eyelids fluttering from lack of sleep. Regret touched Christian in his chest when his eyes lingered on her sitting on the edge of his bed. A sad sigh passed through his lips, though only barely. He didn't want her to think he was sighing because of her. He just missed her, and missed everything they used to share.
Pushing the thoughts to the back of his mind, Christian cleared his throat and let his eyes flicker to the window again before returning to Evelyn. "You can sleep in here," he said with a small nod. Walking over to double windows behind his bed, Christian loosened the fabric on the wall hook and pulled the curtains together, hiding the room from the light of moon. It was much darker than before; the only trace of light came from the hallway and living room around the corner. Walking around to sit beside her, though not too close, on the bed, Christian said, "Promise you won't leave in the morning until we get a chance to talk."
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Post by Evelyn Pierce on May 4, 2007 9:02:19 GMT 7
"Aw I don't mean to run you off." She said as she looked up at him. "You do know you can stay in here? We can share the bed or-" she said as she looked up at him once more and then looked back at her shoes. "I can sleep on the couch. Really. I'm just glad you let me stay to be honest I've kind of been staying in my car.." she whispered as she bit her lip knowing he'd really think she was pitiful but it was the truth. "Teddy has been mad at me and well I've been worried about going home.." she said and shrugged knowing that she had no way of making the rent this month without having to get another job or stop buying so much alcohol.
She smiled up at him once more happy that he seemed to finally be okay even though they both really weren't. It was obvious they still had a lot to talk about and she was glad he wanted to talk to her about it all. "..and I promise I won't leave in the morning. You know I'll always be here for you - I always have." she whispered before she stood up and kissed his cheek gently meaning to be nothing but friendly before she sat back down on the edge of the bed and looked up at him tiredly.
As much as she liked to hide her tiredness and stay up with him she was unsure if she could really stay up any longer. She layed back against the bed and let her eyes close and she just fell asleep right there. The boy would probably laugh at her but it didn't matter she was just so worn out - emotionally and physically and she just needed to sleep.
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